2009年4月11日 星期六

who am i????

juz finish talking with him in phone....
one more time feel that i'm an useless human....

i know he is stress in this sem....
i know he need to face alot of problem...
i know he no time to accompany me....
i know he got alot of coursework in hand....

even i know so many thing about him...
but there are alot of of thing that i dunno....

i dunno he change the way that he threat me is bcoz of his stress...
i dunno how to help him when he depress....
i dunno what could i say when he face the problem...
i dunno how to make him share his feeling with me....
i dunno how to make him talk alot of thing with me...
i dunno how to find the topic between he and me...
i dunno how to make him relax and feel happy together with me....
i dunno the love and education cant be separate....
i dunno what i think is wrong....

sooner or later....
i become dunno how to be his girlfriend anymore....
i juz feel that i'm juz a useless person....
Girlfriend seem is juz a name.....ntg inside,ntg special....

i ask myself....
why i still live in this world???
still got any thing worth for me to live in this world???
i'm meaningless for everyone....
nobody will care about me even i die in this moment....
i'm juz a human without soul....
i already cant found myself....


write by:
-ⓛⓞⓥⓔwendy-
Photobucket

2009年4月9日 星期四

Happy Birthday to you...

today is my dear birthday, last night i'll be the first who wish him "Happy Birthday", even last year also i'll be the first....besides the wish, i also tell him : "Dear, from now until forever, i will always be the first who wishing u Happy Birthday"

today after class, i saw he nudge me....
he tell me that today juz a few person wish him and nobody celebrate birthday with him...
i feel that he is unhappy compare with last year....bcoz last year he received 3 cake...
after tell me all those thing, his friend call he go redbox to celebrate birthday....
suddenly his feeling change and go out in few second after told me.......
after redbox, another 'geng' of friend and his housemate have celebrate with him....
total 3 cake received by him this year....i know he is happy right now....

in this moment, he is happy and celebrate his birthday there....but me.....
alone at the room and study for saturday test....
suddenly think about my birthday.....my birthday is coming soon, 2 week later....
there is not much ppl will remember my birthday for every year.....
i think this year also will be the same....ntg happend on me...used to it d....
about last year birthday???what i tell other ppl is how happy with my birthday...
but that is not the truth....
i din hope that can received 3 cake, even juz a slide of cake also need to call ppl buy for me...
not the friend buy me automatically......
aiksss....how pity am i???

this week really feel depress, get sick last week.....sick until cant eat anything....
everyday juz drink water, eat bread, porrigge and mee.....
sometimes think that i better don eat anything....it is much more better....
Bcoz of sickness, my test for this monday also become worst, i will pass up the blank paper, if i din copy from my friend.....
the final exam coming soon and soon, my stress also become more and more....
all the ppl put the hope on me, tell me that sure i will graduate....
but i really not confident at all....
" try my best" .how many time i heard it from somewhere??
but i know that i cant do it....
i'm useless....(>_<)


write by:
-ⓛⓞⓥⓔwendy-
Photobucket